you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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