I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize