The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
