he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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