Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
