I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
