weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize