If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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