I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Of course I have a pirate flag
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
