Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
