I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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