dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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