What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize