I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
