to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
