you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
