she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
