so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My penis needs a shock collar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
