whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who died my cat blue again?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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