that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
