So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize