nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
