I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
