Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
