I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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