As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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