hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
