new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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