Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
