I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i've created a new STD.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
