his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
