cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
