But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
