I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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