I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
