she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
