btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
