i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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