i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize