I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
