I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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