all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
