In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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