I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
