Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i barfeds in our rink
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm really busy with my period
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