Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
