Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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