There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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