Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
