Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
