I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
