Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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