uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
