It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
