You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
