I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
