We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
