Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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