The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
