this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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