God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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