she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
