Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
