Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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