I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
