so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
