Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
