i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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