I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
