He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Houston, we have a squirter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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