The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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