I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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