I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
