I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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