Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
