Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
