If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A+ Viking dick
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize