I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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