now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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