His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
