I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
