I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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