just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
