We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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