my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
