Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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