Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize