Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
