careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
