Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
