Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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