Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize