I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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