can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
