I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
3 2 1 whiskey
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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