I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
