@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
