I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
