you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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