There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
