Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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