My cat gives me a boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
