WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
