I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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