i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
