I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
