i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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