The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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