READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize