It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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