if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
