ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
